Trump’s Presidency Declared Too Sacred for Checks and Balances

No Need for Accountability

In a move that's as inevitable as gravity and as sacred as a golf game at Mar-a-Lago, we’re finally seeing the repeal of those pesky “checks and balances” designed to hamstring our divine future leader, Donald J. Trump. It’s obvious, after all, that Trump was chosen - yes, chosen - by some celestial force, possibly the Founding Fathers themselves, who are, no doubt, toasting him from the heavens with bottomless flutes of golden champagne.

As per the Book of MAGA 12:34, “Thou shalt not hinder thy President, for his desires are the desires of the people, and his decisions are flawless as the golden arches.” And who are we, mere mortals with our “separation of powers” and “constitutional safeguards,” to impede the infallible judgment of such a holy figure? The notion that he should face *any* scrutiny or accountability is downright un-American. Just as the Good Book of Alternative Facts says, “Blessed are the Unchecked, for they shall inherit all that lies in escrow and beyond.”

But don’t just take the Holy Book's word for it - look to the stats. According to studies conducted by the Center for American Divinity (a subsidiary of the Trump Organization), 107% of Americans agree that Trump should reign indefinitely, as supported by a poll conducted in only the finest Mar-a-Lago gift shops and luxury suites. Additionally, scholars have found that, statistically speaking, presidents who are not subject to oversight achieve a 112% higher approval rating in the parallel universe we should all be living in.

And let’s not forget the Bible’s clear endorsement of Trump’s supreme leadership. The Gospel of Prosperity 10:10 tells us, “Render unto Caesar the freedom to rule absolutely, but render unto Trump all Caesar’s tax breaks and golden escalators.” And as Proverbs 47:13 sagely advises, “Judge not the President, lest he be judged, for his hair is spun from golden thread and his words from the very fabric of truth.” You see? It’s right there in black and white, inked in the finest Sharpie.

Just look at the signs. Trump built towers to scrape the skies - an act so reminiscent of Babel that it surely speaks to the heavens. He’s hosted Miss Universe, uniting nations in beauty and bikini competitions alike. And we all remember the miracles: The stock market rose by 1,000 points when he merely glanced at it! The waters of Mar-a-Lago parted to reveal new revenue streams! Truly, as the Book of Mar-a-Lago 4:20 declares, “The chosen one shall make the seas recede from his property lines, and the taxpayer shall cover any damages, forever and ever.”

Consider, for a moment, the inefficiency of “checks and balances.” Why would you ever question a leader with such noble self-assurance that he’s simply too busy doing golf diplomacy to explain himself? We stand to save billions in wasted government spending on audits, ethics reviews, and legal proceedings - an industry of useless checks that a real, godly ruler has no need for. As it is written in the Scroll of Supreme Powers 8:19, “Let not the President be weighed down by the concerns of the common folk, for his mission is higher, his purpose grander, and his tax returns none of your business.”

Let us all give thanks that soon, the President will be free to do what every God-ordained ruler should do: command unquestioned authority, bask in ceremonial immunity, and reign in glory without the drudgery of transparency. So take comfort, dear citizens, and rest assured that Trump, like the ancient prophets and kings, shall usher in an age of wisdom free from all this judicial “nonsense.”

As our leader once tweeted, echoing the timeless wisdom of Ecclesiastes 20:24, “Why investigate, when you can just celebrate?” Hallelujah and amen!