T. Rex - Telegram Sam
Young, Dumb, and Full of...
Songs don’t have to unlock answers to foundational ontological questions we have about ourselves and the metaphysical aspects of the human condition. They aren’t the missing keys to solving complex ideas like the cosmic censorship hypothesis, quantum gravity, or the cosmological constant problem. Besides, that’s a tremendous expectation of a piece of music. Dr. Brian May of Queen may have some insight, but he’s not encoding it inside rock songs. That said, there is a case from a thesis published in 1978 that fat-bottomed girls actually do make the world go round. Songs don’t have to be thoughtful meditations or intimate reflections of self and they certainly don’t have to be revealing portraits of long-held secrets and desires to be worth our time. They can just be cool or loud or dumb, or a roaring combination of all three. Telegram Sam is a two-step boogie in E Minor, and it’s not just dumb, it’s GLORIOUSLY dumb.
For the uninitiated, T. Rex frontman and guitar boogie champion Marc Bolan straddled the globe for more than five years as an electric Elfish warlock in five-inch (If I’m being modest) platform shoes. His music was just as popular as David Bowie's and significantly less sophisticated. Bowie was pals with Bolan and name-checked Bolan’s band on All the Young Dudes.
Television man is crazy
Saying we're juvenile delinquent wrecks
Eh, man, I need a TV when I've got T-Rex-Mott the Hoople, All the Young Dudes
The corkscrew-haired warlock scored 21 Top 40 bangers, 11 in the Top Ten, and four number ones in his native UK in seven years on the back of songs about hubcap diamond star halos, driving a Rolls-Royce because it’s good for his voice, and being your toy because he’s a 20th Century boy. As Keef told us, “Rock and Roll: music for the neck downwards.” This is not serious, erudite music, and it’s not supposed to be. Telegram Sam is not reaching for profound effects, and that’s not just okay, it’s fucking awesome. If you want erudite the classical music section is deep and wide and there are plenty of progressive rock bands happy to explore bizarre and exotic time signatures to entertain you (or themselves).
“Rock and Roll: music for the neck downwards.”
-Keith Richards
Rock and Roll is about rocking and rolling. In other words and in the simplest and crudest of terms, it’s supposed to make you want to dance or fuck or both, and not necessarily in that order. T. Rex supplied us with plenty of prime Glam for the expressed purpose of rocking and rolling. The lyrics are circumstantial. What do we got here? Telegram Sam, Golden Nose Slim, and Purple Pie Pete? These are characters in a Dr. Seuss book. Golden Nose Slim probably has more in common with Pablo Escobar than the good doctor, but you see my point. Released in ‘72 ahead of the 2.1-million-selling The Slider (which also features the monster Metal Guru, Baby Strange, and Ballrooms of Mars), Telegram Sam is effortless hooks and sleazy fun. All of The Slider is. Telegram has literally been the bedrock of my podcast’s opening intro for nearly a decade because it’s irresistible, sleazy, and utterly groovy. Just like Rock and Roll should be.
"Gloriously dumb".
It's true to say that some bands and/or songs make a living with soul and society crushing ballads. It's equally true that a song being gloriously dumb can...and often does...move us in other ways.
To this day, I still love "The Sweet".
I could say that they still invoke memories of my youth, innocence, and simpler times.
The truth is probably that they're just gloriously dumb and I love it.