Nightly News Roundup

I have a side project.
Because every motherfucker in this collapsing circus of a country has a side project. You can’t just survive anymore. You’ve got to hustle, brand, post, and pretend your anxiety disorder is a "personal brand."

And me? I chose violence.

Since January 6th — yeah, that one, the date that should be in bold red font every time it’s mentioned — I’ve been masquerading as a Bourbon-soaked, rage-powered, satirical news anchor named Theo Jesterfield.

He hosts the Nightly News Roundup. It’s five minutes or less, because I respect your ADHD-blasted, screen-melting, attention-deficient brain, and because that’s all the time it takes to inject a thermonuclear hate letter into your ears.

The stories? Real.
The commentary? A barbed-wire enema for the Trump Administration and its chorus of slobbering fascist fanboys.

This isn’t parody.
This is rage therapy broadcast journalism, served up with pop culture rotgut, cynical spit, and an unfiltered loathing for the diseased power structure that’s face-fucking our future.

I launch verbal IEDs, drink more Bourbon than blood, and drop truth bombs dressed as jokes because this hellscape makes more sense when it’s funny.

We’re 127 episodes in and hitting our stride.
And by “stride,” I mean a full sprint toward the apocalypse, screaming obscenities and throwing bricks at ICE vans.

The Nightly News Roundup is where the headlines go to die screaming.

So if you’re tired of “both sides” bullshit, if your eyes roll every time CNN pretends this is normal, if your soul twitches every time Joe Biden forgets what year it is and Trump threatens to put dissidents in Alligator Alcatraz, then this is your war cry.

It’s on all the podcast platforms — Spotify, Apple, Satan’s iTunes mirror, whatever you freaks are using.
So grab your morning coffee, scream into a pillow, and shove this five-minute Molotov cocktail in your ears.
Because someone has to tell the truth — and then light it on fire.

For hell. For glory.

The Nightly News Roundup.