The Pantheon of Backing Band Names

Based on Cool Because Cool is Currency

Allow me to be clear: I am not interested in the type of music the band plays (I mean, I am, but not for this exercise). This is not relevant, as the title of this piece makes clear. This is simply about how cool, uncool, or mediocre the backing band’s name is and my level of excitement based on that criterion.

Names, my friends, carry the weight of legends and the curse of banality. This is a trip through the fantastical landscape of nomenclature where words define swagger and style. Here we go. 

There was an evolution of backing band names from the onset of group acts to the modern era. They started remarkably homey, polite, and vaguely clever. For example, the Blue Caps, who backed up rockabilly hero Gene Vincent, have a completely benign name unless you’re from Baltimore and understand more about the brand names of street corner pharmaceuticals than early rock and roll. You have the Comets who get a bonus point for the pun based on frontman Bill Haley’s name but they still sound like a county fair ride - *’50s DJ voice* “Come ride the magnificent Comet at the Cumberland County Fair and get your share of chili dogs too!” We have the folksy Tennessee Two who later became the Tennessee Three to beef up their sound but the genuine attraction was having Johnny Cash out front. Poor Double Trouble is out here trying to get some love but the shadow of Stevie Ray Vaughan looms larger than that cast by the Washington Monument. To make matters worse, they pulled a Tennessee Two/Three manuever and became a trio backing up SRV and still went by the rhyming Double Trouble which is just confusing, but the Texas Three would have been derivative and corny. Then we have groups that started as groups then the ego of one member took over and forced management to change all the advertisements and album covers - here’s looking at you Smokey Robinson and Diana Ross. The Miracles and The Supremes are fantastic names, but those two just HAD to have top billing to satisfy those healthy egos. Also, sad to say, I have to include Iggy & The Stooges in that category as well as The Impressions, who eventually gave way to the ethereal Curtis Mayfield. The ‘50s and early ‘60s formed the bedrock of what we’re working within the modern era, naturally. This comes as no surprise. That said, some of those names are still mighty cool. Here’s to the Midnighters, Mindbenders, Mysterions, and the fabulous Texas Playboys (which goes back to the 1930s!). 

A pyramid construction works best for this. Bill Simmons fans will appreciate it. We must build the base of this pyramid, which means it must be wide and square, with no pun intended except for the aforementioned Haley’s Comets. 

*There exist several ways to credit backing bands. With the ‘and,’ ‘&,’ and ‘His/Her.’ No disrespect intended, but for uniformity, I’m sticking with the ampersand and a lowercase t in ‘the.’ This brings us to…

Roots and Foundational Entries

It’s a wildly crowded space. Once again, there is no disrespect here. This is just a list of absolute killers and foundational bands, but none of these names get me hyped about actually being in the band regardless of the type of music they play or how damn good they are at playing that brand of music. If you walked into a New York City bar right now and someone asked you who you’re with, how excited would you be to say “The Crickets”? Exactly. 

• Gene Vincent & the Blue Caps (see above). 

• Hank Ballard & the Midnighters

• Buddy Holly & the Crickets

• Bill Haley & the Comets

• ? & the Mysterions

• Bob Wills & the Texas Playboys

• Wayne Fontana & the Mindbenders

• Art Blakey & the Jazz Messengers

• Frankie Lymon & the Teenagers

• Little Anthony & the Imperials

• Diana Ross & the Supremes

• Gladys Knight & the Pips

• Smokey Robinson & the Miracles

• Booker T & the MGs

• Jr. Walker & the All Stars

• Martha Reeves & the Vandellas

• James Brown & the Famous Flames/JBs

• Curtis Mayfield & the Impressions

• John Mayall & the Bluesbreakers

  

  

2nd Pyramid Level

This level exists on top of the groundbreaking achievements of the base level. Some of these make little if any sense, some are kinda cool, and others are here because of reputation. Each have expanded on those formative years into something wholly unique. 

Tommy James & the Shondells - I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like Tommy James & the Shondells and neither should you. Crimson and Clover is flawless psychedelic pop perfection and I wont listen to arguments otherwise. Crystal Blue Persuasion is a holy thing, and Sugar on Sunday is a sheer delight. All that said, I have no idea what the hell a Shondell is. Sounds like a fictional creature, but I’d play just to confuse people. 

Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five - turntable pyrotechnics and early MC heroics abound. The word choice of ‘Furious’ is crucial to their inclusion because if they had been the Fun Five or the Fantastic Five they would have fallen frightfully on their faces. Having “One of the Furious Five” on a hip hop resume is a free pass anywhere. 

Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band - my hometown heroes are in the line of fire, I have to admit. You know what, I’m adding Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band to this. 2nd Pyramid Level. Bonafide Hall of Famers, no question, but these names, in and of themselves, are somewhat lackluster. They don’t inspire per se. They’re both very old school in approach and delivery, and I’m not bemoaning that approach, just the names. 

Sly & the Family Stone - there are zero questions about credibility here, but the name doesn’t inspire a shit load of swagger, does it? That’s a shame because Sly & the Family Stone had the kind of swagger lesser bands sell their souls for. Go ahead and add Kool & the Gang to this conundrum. 

Toots & the Maytals - Maytals, like Shondells, is unknowable, unless you’re from Jamaica and happen to know that Maytal means good things, pure and good, or if used as a girls’ name, means dew drops. The Maytals are extraordinary, and their sound introduced reggae to the rest of the world at large. That name though… Bob Marley did us a wee bit better, but we’ll get to that. 

Lloyd Cole & the Commotions - in the modern world, the Commotions makes more sense than it should. It says, “Yeah, I’m one of the Commotions, with my eight social media feeds and high-speed Internet, doom scrolling, reel-addicted, 6-second attention span, I’m more commotion than any ordinary vehicle traffic could possibly counter. Credence Clearwater Revival did a song about me in the late ‘60s and it still holds true.” A deeply unfortunate problem of the modern world, but a cool name. 

Florence & the Machine - linked inexorably with the Commotions, members of the Machine are stuck reconciling a modern existence of not enough and too much all at once, of what Pink Floyd introduced to us in their 1975 polemic, Welcome to the Machine. Here the fuck we are.   

Fitz & the Tantrums - as plays on words go, this is the dad joke of this millennium, or any other for that matter. That the Tantrums are funky, soulful, and cool only speaks to fatherly wisdom and the inherent cool of a sharkskin two-piece suit and some horns. 

  

3rd Pyramid Level - Light Heavyweight Division 

Elvis Costello & the Attractions/Imposters - this is that rare situation in which a rock star has two bands with equally awesome names that inspire people to play in them. I could even make the case that being an Imposter is even cooler than being an Attraction, for no other reason than the word ‘imposter’ is only used in conspiracy thrillers. With that in mind, it would be rather cool to tell the guy at the door, or the person you’re dating “I’m an Attraction,” or “I’m an Imposter” with a smile on your face, then down your drink and hit the stage. 

Iggy & the Stooges - self-deprecating humor will get you far in this life. Playing in one of the loudest, most abusive, most outrageous proto-punk bands in American history will get you a little bit further. You can say, through drunken eyes and half-cocked sneer that you’re a Stooge, and no one will disagree with you. 

Ziggy Stardust & the Spiders from Mars - if it wasn’t for the sci-fi gimmick that admittedly worked well, the Spiders from Mars would be in the heavyweight division. Casual listeners would only think they were around for a single album, which is kinda true and kinda not, but so it goes when your intergalactic frontman exists in several planes of existence simultaneously. 

Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings - to begin, getting dapped up is a sign of mutual respect and respect for one’s game. To be a Dap King, however, is to take one’s innate funk and soul to a grand level that necessitates a measure of royalty. A Dap King? My dude, enjoy the fruits of thy crown. 

Mitch Ryder & the Detroit Wheels - the Motor City helped build America and then gave it a ride to work. To be one of the Detroit Wheels is to be sainted by V8 lords and ladies in the Chapel of Internal Combustion. 

Jimi Hendrix & the Experience - Jimi asked us early on, “Have you ever been experienced?” Then, with a laugh, he answered his own question. “Well, I have.” So fiercely embodying the 1960s, the Experience backed up an alien force in the form of James Marshall Hendrix and took us to planets beyond our galaxy. Once a mind has been stretched beyond ordinary boundaries, there’s no returning to regular bandwidth. What an experience.

The Worst Backing Band Names  

Gerry & The Pacemakers - a band named after a device to keep old hearts ticking. Hard pass. 

Jerry Cafferty & the Beaver Brown Band - unclear if this is a vagina joke or otherwise, but not welcome at all. 

Bruce Hornsby & the Range - where the deer and the antelope play. No. 

Jimmy Buffet & the Coral Reefer Band - see, reefer is another name for marijuana. Get it? And it’s a play on coral reef. Fit for the kind of people who eat at restaurants named Cheeseburger in Paradise. 

4th Pyramid Level - Heavyweight Division

Prince & the Revolution - first of all, backing up Prince is not a job for the faint of heart, faint of.. well, anything. You’re playing for fucking Prince, so be prepared to bring all the ruckus, every single drop of ruckus. Prince was always on the verge of changing the course of pop history on a whim, and a member of the Revolution was prepared to do just that.  

Neil Young & Crazy Horse - Crazy Horse was a Lakota war leader of the Oglala band of natives and undefeated in battle. You get to wear his name on your dressing room door. What else do you need? 

Siouxsie & the Banshees - A banshee, in Irish folklore, is a female spirit who serves as a harbinger of death, typically by way of screeching, shrieking, or screaming. How perfect for a band fronted by a woman who consciously renamed herself Siouxsie Sioux. On the cool scale though, one gets to walk into a dive bar, look at the management, and say, “I’m a Banshee.” Cool. 

5th Pyramid Level - Championship Contenders

Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers/Joan Jett & the Blackhearts - this is rock and roll and that means you can’t be a blackheart without being a heartbreaker. As such, the Symmetric Property of Rock and Roll dictates one cannot be a heartbreaker without being a blackheart. Tenderness is a conditional property, a variable on a good, soulful day. If you show up at the back entrance of a dicey club and declare proudly that you’re either a Heartbreaker or a Blackheart, the pissant at the door is morally bound to let you in. Inexorably cool.  

Bob Marley & The Wailers - chant down Babylon, rally freedom fighters, face down gunfighters, and then sing about love while offering your assailants a fat spliff. The Wailers are THOSE dudes. Guerilla warfare specialists with kettle drums and a rhythm section for all time. What could be more cool? 

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - only this could be more cool than being a Wailer. A goddamned Bad Seed. This is where the outsiders go when all other measures seem untenable. This is the black leather motorcycle jacket Valhalla - dangerous and sexy and all of rock and roll, and then some. Then some? Oh yes. Because to be a Bad Seed for Nick Cave means you’ve read more than a couple of things and you’re bloody dangerous. That’s rock and roll, and that’s fucking cool in spades.